today i have no mood to write. so dried stats.
morning was with coffee and mini-brezel. than i ate one wrap with tofu. than jojo cooked pantai: rice-noodles with vegies: sugarbeans, sprouts, bambus, zuckini, tofu and eggs. very tasty. a couple of pieces of bread with raisens. somehow that's all.

every day is the same repetition. grey morning, cup of tea, thoughtful look in the window. these hours i spend mostly one-by-one with myself and a bit with the flat. i like this calmness and silence and my plans in the head. nice slow beginning of a new day.

yesterday i was naugty a bit. didn't listen to my inner-voice... but the menu was pretty borring, but has a frame composition.
morning. we had a real breakfast, you know, sitting together, each with his plate and cup, talking about smth important, ecological problems in the world, different menatlity, changes in the world power points. this good old traditions. so from me a couple of ricepaper-rolls: with sprouts, tofu, tomatos, some soyasauce, some limejuice, some peanuts. in the end piece of bread with raisens.
than my cousin came and we went to sushi-place. na-ni-wa was closed, so we went to kiku-sushi, where they have this funny bar-track with moving plates on it... so i had four plates in the end, it means about twelve rolls with avocado and two sweet tofy-bags with rice. i was proud, that i didn't eat the fish... good that i could put more attention on talking now)
than we came to geldern together, visited his parents, where i ate some of dried pear and plums, than we had a long walk and i didn't feel my fingers afterwards, but in the end we visited my granny and i ate two mandarins there. the weather was horrible, it was nice to sit in the warm and shining train and very hard than to jump out into the dark cold rain at hbf, where so many strange people are. 
when i came home, i was freezing, i was hungry, so i made three ricepaper-rolls: sprouts, tofu, dried tomatos, fresh tomatos, limejuice, soyasauce... my friend is joking already, that it seems, it's my favourite food now... but it's just so easy to make. and in the end, i became totally weak and ate two pieces of bread with raisens... just before going to bed. not good.

still this grey cold reality is around. it's really a bit stucking in the time. especially, when it's sunday and behind the window only rare sleepy people, serving their dogs. milk reality, smoke light, lethargic sleep. i even hear snore. oh, it's from the next room.

yesterday i was nearly good girl. tried to eat not that much, was somehow the whole day in my imaginary projects and now i understood, that i need an intellectual diet. now i'm using my good imagination to replace interest in snacks by interest of occupations. and that works!

• in the morning was coffee as usual and i had early hunger, so there were two corn-wraps with italien dried tomatos and pickles and tofu. yeh, not that much healthy, but o-kay.
• than i lost my interest in the food finally! before i went out, i made a small ricepaper-roll with fresh tomato and tofu as well, and insteasd of going to bauhaus, turned in direction of luang-pro-bang (laotian restaurant), where my friend with his friend, who is also my friend, were sitting one-on-one with their hunger. in the case that everything there took about an hour or more to prepare two plates of food and boiled rice with fried spring-rolls in between... the descision not to oder there food was really right. so a spoon of rice there.
• after this torture i had already pretty big appetite for fresh  ricepaper-rolls, so i bought some more vegies, came home and made three wonderful rolls with zukini, beensprouts, broccoli, tomatos, tofu with limejuice, soyasauce and peanuts. ah, that was great. as a desert was orange with coffee and i felt myself as usual increatible elegant.
• that would be great all, if i would be the end, bit i'm a weak one... because in two hours i ate this delicious bread with raisens and candied fruits with  a small cup of coffee, that's why after it was so hard to make my head free of thoughts before going to bed.

well, i need to admit, that i still proud of myself. that's really right direction for stopping to be so manic concentrated on the food.

in 10 minuts i will go and try to bring my friend back to this world from his imaginary realities, he stucks every night in... this is something hardly understandable for me, acceptable of course, but i can't imagine, that dream would be a such strong power, that will drag me that hard, that my own controlling brainstations will not work... well, i'm not honest with myself - in the middle of the night i have so deep sleep, that i don't hear anything or reacting anyhow... but... i guess, that there is still motivation to wake up is not strong enough, because you need to struggle whole day and survive and do stupid unpleasant things... if smb will just whisper him: surfing... that could be different


so. yesterday. yesterday was a full-food day and no sports. brrr.

• breakfast. i've made a salad: feldsalat with carrots and walnuts, like a day before, with a bit of limejuice and this readymade dressing, took a piece of roasted kurstenbrot. after i also ate the whole 'wecker mit rosinen', what is very tasty with a small glass of balck coffee.
• lunch. pretty strange: i've made tomatosoup out of the can... which suppose to be interesting and italien with basil and gin, but it was just a soup out of a can. so i put also some limejuice in it.. and fresh tomatos and tofu...
• in the evening was a dinner with friends, that was delicious. menu:
  1. quiche with leek and goatcheese. 2. roasted beef with mashed potatos, beens and zukini in cream-sauce with cedar nuts, red sauce with mushrooms and whatever. 3. brownie with vanilla ice-cream and berry-sauce. oh yeh, oh yeh.

i don't really understand, if it's okay to eat that much. but i guess that today i should just drink water. beacuse on this calories i could live not one, but two days, i guess.

it's still a bit too early for me, even, that i't's already two hours like i'm awake. it's just this fucking cold and also no sun and i'm sitting in a some kind of bear-costume: all my thick sporty clothes is on me. such a strange light outside [is it really a light], that i don't really get it if i'm still alive... or it's just a ghost reality. doesn't matter, just morning mood. okay, now let's make the real deal.


a bit of stats from yesterday. food.

• banana
  that was start of the day. somehow i was so into the work, so hunger didn't attack me like he always does in the mornings. 
• surimi-sticks (in general 6) and an orange
  that was between-food, we already decided to make a pizza and i was preparing to go outside for some small shopping.
• a half of totally vegeterian pizza
  more looked like a vegi-pie... or smth like that, so no cheese, just tomato sauce, zukini, broccoli, tofu, tomatos and this totally untasty ready-made pastry, which was a reason to make a pizza - just to get rid of it!
• piece of graubrot with honey
  just a small Nachtisch after pizza
• coffee and apple-chips (with honey this time)
  this is actually my favourite breakfast, but that time i made a pause, chated with my ill friend in London, that is always very nice thing. i feel definitely  very elegant, when i'm eating that. would be even more beautiful, if i would smoke long women pipe and if i would be xs-size, so that my body would lose itself between the pleats of my dress. it's a story of the women, who eat only strawberry with champagne... or flower nectar. such a pitty, that i'm such a brutal one.
• a half of mango
  i don't really remember, when was it... just remember how i was eating and that a half i gave away and it was called mango-monster.
• tomato-juice with a celery-stick and feldsalat with carrots and walnuts
  that was really a dinner, so after swimming, even that i thought, that it's forbidden for me, but it was a pitty not to eat, when the salad was still fresh. and the thing is that this salad is very-very tasty.

i think that was the day from the food perspective. okay, i will be honest till the end: i ate also about 10 small shrimps and a couple of this asian salted-sweetned-dry plums - very disgusting thing, but damm tasty.